Rainy days and life

It's a very warm and very rainy day today. It's actually day two of this weather however yesterday the weather seemed more threatening whereas today it just seems miserable. We've spent most of the day trying to keep the kids occupied and the TV off. This means that Don built with Kenex while I lazed in bed in the early hours. Then I played Monkey and then the whole family played a game of tickle party which turned into mommy and daddy are a jungle gym. The jungle gym game entailed the kids jumping on us for the most part.
Don and R have left for R's soccer game. In all truth I thought they'd cancel the game, but they didn't. So M and I are here at home and I'm sneaking away to write as I just need to. We'll head out to buy milk in a bit. Really wish I'd thought to buy it yesterday while I was at the Co-op.

Work and Life in general I guess

So I've started working again. It's just part time and actually it's what I was doing about 7 years ago. I'm teaching ESL. I'm doing three different classes: an evening ESL II class, a once a week ESL computers class and an ESL Civics class. I vary between being really excited about the classes and just feeling so so -- seems to depend on the day. I don't know what it is, but that's just how I'm feeling. I'm definitely grateful for the work, given the economic climate. It's more that I'm still feeling lost about what it is I want to do for work.

When I started at "LAGC" three years ago, I thought I'd found the place where I would work for quite a long time. After about 6 months I knew I'd just be trying to hang on for 5 years and then by the end of my first year I was hoping I would make it to 3 years. It wasn't the work, but the place. Organizational culture. Being let go from that job was the perfect gift for all it allowed me to be able to do and for the time it gave me with my father. But now WHAT?

Now I'm here unsure about what I want to do. Just broadly unsure. I keep thinking, "Give it time. A lots happened this year." But that doesn't seem to be helping. I can see in some vague sense how all of the things I've learned in the last few months will be as beneficial career wise as they have been emotionally, but there's no road map. I've spent so much time adrift in my career trying to make my way. Or doing what needed to be done. Piece-mealing work together. Knowing what I didn't want to do and trying to find the kind of work that would stimulate my mind and fill up my soul. Meaningful work, but work that would also pay enough so I could indulge and not worry about every penny. You know buy the kids pajamas.

All I know right now is that I just don't know. Some days I spend time trying to figure it out but most days I just avoid it. I have some time now to figure it out and luckily a husband whose confidence in my ability to figure it out is staggering. But it's hard to fathom that at 36 I haven't sorted much out.