Truth

Truth:

• I started a food journal.

Because:

• I've gained 10 lbs. in the last 18 months.
• My clothes don't fit and I don't have the money to buy new clothes.
• I'd have gained more weight if I hadn't exercised.
• There were days that I ate two ice cream cones at night and then went to bed.

Why am I sharing this?

My weaknesses are not things I'm proud of, but they are real. I figure if I share my truths then I'm no longer burdened by them. It's not that I'm putting that weight on to my readers, but that I'm no longer denying my own truths to myself. That's a bad habit of many years that I need to break.

In my mind, I hear many of you saying, "Well, 10 lbs isn't that much." And in many ways,you're right. But for me, who's been in recover from an eating disorder since my early twenties, there is a lot more intertwined into those 10 lbs. It's not just straight up Newtonian physics. There's so much psychology it's overwhelming.

This is where my food journal comes in. It's a place where I disclose truths about what goes into my body. It forces me to no longer pretend that I'm not eating a bag of cookies at 9 pm while watching Biggest Loser. What it is not, is a space where I meticulously track calories, grams of fat or grams of carbohydrates.

So far, the simple act of keeping the journal has changed my habits. The late night binges are both less frequent and tracked without guilt or retribution. They just are.